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Hey DJ’s of plattsburgh… ever heard of Hyper Crush?
oh wait….I forgot you only play shit. - [Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
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Envious (PART) I
“I had never felt this feeling before in my life. Where was it coming from? I could feel the cold wind draft through the windows coming in, was it from that? All I want to do is break out and cause as much damage as I can. Although that’s not my typical natural human quality. My natural human quality is the ability to talk down to people and mediate complications against two opposing sides. But when ever I get this feeling, my life begins to take a turn for the worst. I rarely get to use my abilities for the greater good, it always end up turning out to my ultimate demise. Enough about myself, this is beginning to make me depressed, what made you get into such a field of work that satisfies you like that?”
“Well Brett, it definitely was not an easy choice”.
So what he is telling me is that he obviously had other choices. Exactly.
“I stared out in—Brett are you okay?”
At that moment I had passed out, I couldn’t take his boring on and on and on about going to Harvard and studying at Yale. I’d rather be lost in my head.
“Well Brett, I believe our time is up, I will see you next Wednesday for another check up.”
I get walked out to the door and out of the office building. The door knob is pristine with the gleams of rust bouncing off of the sun’s light. When I open up the door a parade of elephants come rushing in, or at least it sounded as there was going to be a stampede. I should really tell the doctor to find an oil can to lubricate that door.
After ever session nothing new happens. I look up at the burnt out sky where the clouds look like they are constantly crashing into each other. If anything was going to happen in the world today, it would have seemed that today would be the one.
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“I finally made it home that afternoon and decided that there was nothing left for myself to do so I hopped into my bed. My bed squeaked. Why does everything in this god forsaken land have to squeak?! Usually that’s all I need is a bust of emotion to help me fall asleep. But as I lay there sleeping I will tell you this. Every dream that I have is not very pretty. They don’t make any sense, and they are rather graphic in nature. I would get ready for those to begin… My brain waves are starting to go to delta waves……
………. …………….
…….” …….
Brett awakes from a cold hard aluminium floor with not a single spot of dust on the ground. There is no recollection of this area from his past. It is the one true moment in his life that he does not have a clue where he is located. He takes the first step up and slowly cowers his head over the surgeons table. Not a single person was seen. Something fell outside of the room. Brett stands up completely straight as his grandparents had taught him to do. Still no one. He slowly turns around and as he takes one step to the side the wall because to take shape, he remembers this setting. Each step he takes to the side, right in front of him changes. Soon the whole room has been engulfed with Brett’s previous life.
The coldness in this room how could I have ever forgotten it? I can never get rid of this. A chilling screech echoed down the hall ways from the upstairs room. No, Not this… not now! I cannot deal with this! Brett took one step backwards and turned away from the flight of stairs leading to the room. Right before he could place his foot down he heard the awful noise that reminded him of way this is such a horrible place for him. The shot echoed down the hall way through the corridors and down through the front door. Brett opened his eyes and he had been placed in the room from the original sound of the blast. He looks out and it’s deja vu all over again. The one and only dream he cannot get out of until it’s finished.
Her hand hits the floor slowly and bounces once and hits the ground held open. Her face hit the ground and rolled off to the side. The blood pooling around her was beginning to expand. Brett not busting through his eyes, more, just a blank expressionless expression just sits there. A gust of wind blows the note she was leaving behind. The gust glides it right into the palm of her hand under the pool of blood. Immediately the paper begins to soak up the fluids. The letter read as thus…
“Dear my beloved Brett,
I’m sorry to do this to you but this is my
final option, I’ve tried going to my parents
and I find that they were not worthy of my
trust. The only way I feel safe is if I am gone
and cannot see how the world will be changed
if their plans come into play. I need you to take this ring and guard it with your life. You are the only one I trust with this.
The Blood started to dissolve the rest. Brett has read this before he took the ring and moved on with his life. And that’s how he felt he needed to do at this point. He turns his back away and drops the note. The note glides around the room and lands in a puddle of blood faced up. Brett takes one step down and his head begins to ring. The walls begin to shake. The ringing gets louder and louder. He is coming out of his dream state and waking up. The blood starts to boil and flow out into the hallway and starts streaming downstairs. The note still floating next to her body. Has Brett disappears back into his reality, everything went back to normal. Her dead body reanimates tears running down her face. She picks up the note and reads..
“I am so sorry to have had you involved
in this… I hope there is anyway you can
forgive me.
Please be safe….
I will love you always <3Emily.
END PART I
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As the day fades into darkness tonight we all lay in our beds with dreams of accomplishment. Accomplishments that made every spend their hard saved money. Be proud you could do that for some could not. And now the only thing left for this holiday season is the joy and happiness that comes along it with your friends and family but when the season goes back to the day after Christmas what then? People return unwanted or “wrong” gifts… a gift first of all… cannot be wrong…(unless clothing size) it’s a gift people… returning a gift is a fucking ballsy move. Anyway, and its back to the misery this misery that. But what about the people who don’t find happiness in Christmas? When’s our time to be joyous and happy? Do we see a pattern here?
I’ll give you a hint…
It’s all the fucking time.
Let’s face it, I won’t really like celebrating Christmas until I have someone come to me and convince me. Friend wise. why I shouldn’t just continue on with my life like I would any other day. Or why it’s a good thing to take my miserableness and put it behind an AWFUL winter sweater and put on a fake smile while baking cookies for the neighborhood eighth grade sluts?
You don’t have to be celebrating Christmas to be joyous and happy… you could go home from work/ school and relax. Sit on the computer get a hold of a friend. Do something. That sounds like happiness right there… These also sound like every day things. So I think we should stop with the whole Jolly Christmas spirit and quit shoving back the facade of emptiness that is making you hear whispering voices telling you to drown your children in a bath tub….for the greater good.
Quit pretending to be happy just because it’s the Christmas spirit and continue living your life as yourself. It just makes even more people upset knowing that you’re not happy and you’re faking it because of the holiday.
Especially if certain people only say Hi to you because it’s Christmas…..
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Every day is a struggle for acceptance…
We socialize with one another to work on creating new relationships to mend the old ones. And as most of the world is successful there is a small chance that you just don’t have that ability to do. How can one person feel completely unaccepted everywhere and with anyone they talk to. With having a never ending supply of evidence that the statement is true.
How are people able to talk if no matter what’s being said you get nothing back.
How are people supposed to help support another… if no matter what you’re doing you get nothing back.
How are people supposed to “mingle” and get to know each other more to strive off that friendship/relationship when no matter what you do you get nothing back.
How does that make the person appear? It appears that they are avoiding you.
I guess some of us are meant to wander alone …
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Every day, every second… we fight within ourselves. We constantly fight, dragging everyone else on our feet, to achieve that one moment in time that someone will look at you differently and for that one moment you have a true smile on your face. That there is no more struggling to get that one enlightened moment. You have finally found that one person you can relate to.
Every day is a constant struggle to be accepted.
How many times a day do you hear someone say something bad about someone especially behind their back? A lot…
and how many times a day do you see someone attempting to bring a true smile back on to your face? (And I really mean a TRUE smile, not some half ass smirk or gut busting laughter. Like for that moment you’re smiling… nothing can touch you.)
not enough….
For one moment in my life I was able to gaze into someone’s eyes… and completely forget all my pains.
I was untouchable.
It was like a scene in a movie.
Just gazing at each other’s eyes…
Entranced…
Intoxicated with our stares…
not able to look away…
and right after…
I smiled…
I want that back… And I won’t stop fighting til I have that back…
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This entire coming of the dawn of today has been interesting.
As I stood there in the calm silence of nothing, I heard everything.
I heard the creak of stairs not stepped on.
I heard the footsteps of something not walking.
I heard the drag of feet not moving.
I heard the door that’s already closed.
I’m in my own distorted reality.
I am my own escape.
The only thing holding me back is my self.
I will set my mind free.
Viewer, beware.
What comes out,
May not be kind to the faint of heart.
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This is part of a photo shoot that I did. This is only one photo of many taken. And will be a process in editing the rest. Be patient as I finish them. This is the re-edit and the Final on this one.
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Every Year….
Every year is the same.
Every year we all try to start new.
And every year, we try and try to get it right.
The passed couple of years, or rather, I should say four years, I completely screwed up an amazing friendship all over one person. A friendship that had lasted seven years and counting. A friendship that started when I was twelve and you were eleven and when I was nineteen and you were eighteen was still strong. A friendship that was growing stronger and stronger each growing day. Every conversation we had was different and could be about anything. We could talk for hours and hours on end. There are a couple logs saved from way back when that I read to keep you on mind. I still have my ticket from when I saw you for the first time. I remember watching out the hotel window as everyone rushed into the doors. I remember sitting outside in the cold around a fire with you telling you I didn’t want to leave and go home.
And along comes this one person whom completely and entirely FUCKED it up. To this day since then I’ve regretted every choice that has been made and should have never even made the decision I should have. If only there was a moment in life I could go back and stand up for myself and say NO! No, I will not make this decision and you will not force me to do so. Alas, that was not clearly what I did. I let the person walk over me and make me say yes, I have to end the friendship. YOU don’t know how much that made me hurt to say that. It still hurts knowing you’re not there anymore for me.
I’ve been stepped on WAY too much in my life to let it continue. I’m gathering up all of my courage to stand up once and for all. I’m DONE letting people get to me and ruining the life already dwindling away around me.
I’m done,
that’s that.
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Real Inception?
For a while now I’ve been practicing Lucid Dreaming. Training myself to do such a thing. For the first night ever I was able to accomplish such a feat.
For all of you who know me, I have some crazy dreams where I wake up and the dream is still occurring in my head. I can still hear some of the noises and see some of the things. But the other night I have accomplished the first step of inception on myself.
I read that a good way to practice lucid dreaming is to write on the palm of your hand, “Awake?” And if you check your hand enough to see if it’s there every day eventually your mind will make you do it in your dream. The other night this happened to me.
I was having one of the most creepiest dreams ever and it was in a real scenario. My room my house everything was the same. I received a phone call about school and describing what I needed to do. The woman on the phone asked me to please hold and not more than 10 seconds later a man comes on the phone and starts describing everything around me and that I need to do this things in this certain order. So I start to comply and go downstairs into my bedroom. While on the phone I realized that I was teaching myself Lucid Dreaming and I decided to look at my palm. I realized that my palm did not say “Awake?” I then tried to wake myself up. Immediately I hung up the phone and that upset my mind. It wasn’t the way that my dream was supposed to occur. I jumped and my bedroom shook like it was collapsing. At that moment in time, I began to fall and my “kick” occurred.
….
I woke up instantaneously.
If I can train my mind to do this again except not kick myself out. What If I could really cause inception on myself?
